i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
