So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
