So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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