Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Randomize
