True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
