Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I would ride that face into the sunset
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