Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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