dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
