Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
