i just wanna soil my oats bro
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
