i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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