i'm signing you up for texting rehab
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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