so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
