I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
