he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We don't watch enough power rangers
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
