Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The Olympian is in my bed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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