she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
