it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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