i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
