i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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