I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
