Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
