So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize