Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
