I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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