Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
