I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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