i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will be naked everywhere
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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