Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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