we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
