If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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