totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
