you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
