ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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