she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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