I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
