im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
