he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
