Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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