we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
