I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
