What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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