I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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