Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
