my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
