I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
