Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
