I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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