dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
