its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
