That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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