8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
