I want to have your abortion
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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