Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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