If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
