i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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