I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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