uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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