I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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