I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
"it" just moved
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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