I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
