That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
