DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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