There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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