Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
