I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
