I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
