gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
