i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
