I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
