Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
