I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
