She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
