I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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