I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
