If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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