hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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