College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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