just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
