i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
