Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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