some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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