I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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