We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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