no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
