I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
