It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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